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Friday, April 18, 2008

Alcohol side effects

The Food and Drug Administration is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a-hole.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear".
  • WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

If it wasn`t so true it might be funny!!


Love First: A New Approach to Intervention for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction (A Hazelden Guidebook) (Hezelden Guidebook)

See also;

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