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5 Assets of an ACOA

What’s Your Greatest Asset? Strengths of an ACoA

Amy Eden writes about the assets of ACOA’s.

“I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel exasperated with the emphasis on problems tied to being the offspring of alcoholics.

Today I need to hear the B side of the record, to think about our other characteristics.”

Here are her first five assets of ACOA’s.

• YOU CAN EMPATHIZE
• YOU’RE INDEPENDENT
• YOU’RE CREATIVE
• YOU’RE RESILIENT
• YOU’RE CALM

Full post at Guess What Normal Is.

See also;

• Adult Children of Alcoholics
• Al-Anon
• Alcohol intervention may help.

Alcohol Intervention

Brief Twelve Step Facilitation is research based and written by a long term recovered alcoholic who is a professionally trained welfare therapist.

It is a method to begin to create awareness of alcoholism, break down denial and connect alcoholics or problem drinkers with Alcoholics Anonymous.

By using the processes in this manual you can start and give ongoing support to a person on the road to recovery from alcoholism. It is suitable for treatment resistant, previously treated and newcomers to treatment. The processes are gentle incorporating Motivational Interviewing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Twelve Step Facilitation.

It may also be complimentary to any 12 Step peer helping.

Buy and down load the e-book; now only $7.00 a copy.

PayPal with Mastercard, Visa and Americam Express payment available.

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One Day at a Time

My best friend was going through some tough situations in her life. I was in the midst of a hard stretch too. We didn't particularly like the things we had to do in our lives. We talked about our feelings and decided that what we were going through was necessary and important, even though we didn't like it. We expressed gratitude for our lives.

"It's still a dreadful time," I said.

"Brutal," she said. "I guess we're back to the old one-day-at-a-time approach. We're so lucky. What do people do that haven't learned that gem?"

There are times when we can look at the stretch ahead and like what we see. Taking life one day at a time is still a good idea, even when things are going well.

Taking life one day at a time can be particularly useful when the road ahead looks dreadful. We may not even know where to start with some challenges. That's when taking life one day at a time is essential.

"I've been using alcohol and other drugs every day since I've been twelve years old," I said to my counselor years ago in treatment. "Now you're telling me I need to stay sober the rest of my life. Plus get a job. And a life. How am I going to do that?"

"One day at a time," she said. She was right. Sometimes I had to take life one minute at a time or one hour at a time. And all these years later, it still works.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melodie Beattie

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Al-anon MP3 Podcasts

An official Al-anon MP3 website

For over 55 years, Al-Anon (which includes Alateen for younger members) has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people... alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone else’s drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship.
New Podcast website
Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Drinking During the Holidays
Janie, Ernie, and Frances are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members. They are willing to talk about how Al-Anon helped them deal with drinking during the holidays.
New to Al-anon
Renee, Paula, Dick, and Edith are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members. They are willing to talk about what they wish they knew before they came to their first Al-Anon meeting.

MP3 Podcasts at Al-anon First Steps 

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• 
  

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Healthy Sexuality for Co-dependents

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Many areas of our life need healing.

One important part of our life is our sexuality. Our feelings and beliefs about our sexuality, our ability to nurture, cherish, and enjoy our sexuality, our ability to respect ourselves sexually, our ability to let go of sexual shame and confusion, may all be impaired or confused by our co-dependency.

Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way we learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love - for others or ourselves.

Some of us were sexually abused as children. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexuality addictive behaviors - compulsive sexual behaviors that got out of control and produced shame.

Some of us may have gotten involved in sexual co-dependency: not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn't want, sexually; allowing ourselves to get involved sexually because it was what the other person wanted; shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings; denying ourselves healthy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings.

Our sexuality is a part of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy. It is a part of us that we can allow to become connected to the whole of us; it is a part of us that we can stop being ashamed of.

It is okay and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed. It is connected to our creativity and to our heart. We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control our relationships or us. We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality. We can discover what that means in our life.

We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting that gift.

Today, I will begin to integrate my sexuality into the rest of my personality. God, help me let go of my fears and shame around my sexuality. Show me the issues I need to face concerning my sexuality. Help me open myself to healing in that area of my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990

Buy today >> The Language of Letting Go

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Al-Anon 12-Step Recovery Program: Love It Or Leave It

For those who don't know or have never heard of Al-anon, it is a 12-step recovery program that is the counter-part to the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step recovery program. It was initiated by Lois Wilson (the wife of Bill Wilson; one of the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous) as a safe haven and support group for anyone who is dealing with a loved ones alcoholism (and/or drug addiction)

I have been attending Al-anon meetings for 20 years and came away from my first meeting thinking..."What a bunch of losers, as well as... I heard some interesting things here."

As a professional family substance abuse counselor, I encourage my clients to attend Al-anon and find out if it is something they wish to incorporate in their recovery. Some swear by it, others are shunned.

I have compiled a list of 16 opinions; 8 hip-hip hooray! 8 bah humbug!

See these at; The Huffington Post

Also see; Thank you and I invite you to visit my website at www.familyrecoverysolutions.com

• See also;
• Al-Anon May be able to help
• 12 Step Sponsor
• 12-Step Speaker Tape Links
• Help an Alcoholic 1
• Naranon or Narateen

Beyond Co-dependency: And Getting Better All the Time by Melody Beattie

Understanding Co-Dependency by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse

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No to Guilt

Today I will say no without guilt.

Today I will say no whenever it is in my best interests to do so.  Just as important, I will say no without feeling guilty or fearful.

My attempts to separate from my parents we met with threats of abandonment.  As a result, I learned to avoid having my own opinion for fear of rejection. 

Deep within me now, I feel a strong desire to become my own person, to stand free of all unhealthy attachments and discover who I am.  When I disregard my limitations and permit others to violate my boundaries, I harm myself.

Today I will love myself enough to say no when I find it necessary.  I will reassure the child within me that those who truly love me will not abandon me when I must tell them no.  No matter what the response, today I will treat myself well by saying no without guilt and fear.

- From “Affirmations for the Inner Child” by Rokelle Lerner

Affirmations for the Inner Child

Kids of Addiction

Documentary gives children of addicts a voice

Children in homes in which parents use illegal drugs live in the shadows. They often are abused, neglected or become users themselves. A documentary by local filmmaker Susan Reetz is bringing their lives into the light.

Reetz released "Living in Shadows: The Innocent Victims of Meth" in September, hoping to raise awareness of the issues children face living in a home where illegal drugs are used. That life was brought into focus last week when three children were removed from a home in Schofield where drugs reportedly were present.

Reetz interviewed children, parents and grandparents who have been affected by drug use. They talk about emotional and physical neglect, sexual abuse, violence and living with drugs.

"A lot of people don't realize what kids go through when their parents are using, making and selling meth," Reetz said. "It's so prevalent in our community, and we want to sweep it under the rug. The only way we can make a difference is if our community is better informed."

Full story at The Daily Herald

See also;

• A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved
• Adolescent Children of Alcoholics
• Naranon or Narateen
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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Types of 12-Step Meetings

Within Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous Gamblers Anonymous, Al-anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics there are 2 basic types of meetings for fellowship and recovery.

The two most common kinds of 12-Step meetings are:

OPEN MEETINGS: As the term suggests, meetings of this type are open to members and their families and to anyone interested in solving a personal problem or helping someone else to solve such a problem.

Most open meetings follow a more or less set pattern, although distinctive variations have developed in some areas. A chairperson describes the program briefly for the benefit of newcomers in the audience and calls speakers who relate their personal histories and may give their personal interpretation of the program

At the end of the meeting there is usually a period for local announcements, and a treasurer passes the hat to defray costs of the meeting hall, literature, and incidental expenses. Only members are allowed to make donations. The meeting adjourns, usually followed by informal chatting over coffee or other light refreshments.

CLOSED MEETINGS: These meetings are limited to members. They provide an opportunity for members to share with one another on problems related to their problems, patterns and attempts to achieve stable sobriety. They also permit detailed discussion of various elements in the recovery program.

Guests at open meetings are reminded that any opinions or interpretations they may hear are solely those of the speaker involved. All members are free to interpret the recovery program in their own terms, but none can speak for the local group or for that fellowship as a whole.

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12 Steps: A Spiritual Journey (Tools for Recovery) by Friends in Recovery Read more about this title...

Eating Problems

The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.

OA Program of Recovery

Overeaters Anonymous offers a program of recovery from compulsive overeating using the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of OA. Worldwide meetings and other tools provide a fellowship of experience, strength and hope where members respect one another’s anonymity. OA charges no dues or fees; it is self-supporting through member contributions.

Unlike other organizations, OA is not just about weight loss, obesity or diets; it addresses physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. It is not a religious organization and does not promote any particular diet. To address weight loss, OA encourages members to develop a food plan with a health care professional and a sponsor. If you want to stop your compulsive eating, welcome to Overeaters Anonymous.

Contact; Overeaters Anonymous

See also;

• 12-Step Speaker Tape Links
• HALT being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
• Double Trouble in Recovery
• Seek help for yourself
• Spiritual Assessment
• The Promises of Recovery from Addictiveness

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12 Rewards of Recovery

Twelve Step fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Al-anon, Cocaine Anonymous and others don’t just address the substance or overt behaviour. In progressing through the 12 Steps other benefits will be realized. These are know as the rewards of recovery. One example is;

THE TWELVE REWARDS OF SOBRIETY

By Searcy W., 55 years sober as at 2001 aged 90.

• Faith instead of despair.

• Courage instead of fear.

• Hope instead of desperation.

• Peace of mind instead of confusion.

• Real friendships instead of loneliness.

• Self-respect instead of self-contempt.

• Self-confidence instead of helplessness.

• A clean conscious instead of a sense of guilt.

• The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.

• A clean pattern of living instead of a hopeless existence.

• The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.

• The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession.

See also;

• 10 Secrets of Happy Relationships
• 12 Step Sponsor
• 23rd Psalm for Recovery
• AA and Treatment Work Better Together
• Ego Quotes with Narcissistic Tendencies
• In the Sober Kitchen

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First Year Sobriety: When All That Changes Is Everything

20 Tips for Stress Relief

For most people in today’s world, stress is a fact of life.

In recovery it is especially true. Although it is impossible to eliminate all stress from daily life, it is possible to control the effect that stress has on the body and the mind. The first step in managing stress is to become aware of events in your life that cause you stress.

The causes of stress vary from person to person, so that what causes you stress may not cause stress for another person. Once you are aware of what causes you stress, the goal is to find ways to avoid or control these things.

Relaxation techniques, when used consistently, can prove effective in controlling stress by helping you reach a state of mental calm, even when in the middle of a stressful situation.

Here are twenty plus 1 things you can do to reduce or escape the stress you feel when you are unable to change a situation or to better cope with the stress of everyday living.

Twenty plus 1 Healthy Ways To Manage Stress In Recovery

1. Talk to someone you trust.

2. Learn to accept what you cannot change.

3. Avoid self medication.

4. Get enough sleep to recharge your batteries.

5. Take time out to play.

6. Do something for others.

7. Take one thing at a time.

8. Agree with somebody.

9. Manage your time better.

10. Plan ahead.

11. If you are ill, don’t try and carry on as if you’re not.

12. Develop a hobby.

13. Listen to music.

14. Eat sensibly and exercise.

15. Don’t put off relaxing.

16. Don’t be afraid to say no.

17. Know when you are tired and do something about it.

18. Delegate responsibility.

19. Be realistic about perfection

20. Don’t drink or drug.

See also;

• 10 Secretes of Happy Relationships
• 23rd Psalm for Recovery
• 24 Ways to get the Rest You Need
• Twelve Step Facilitation
• Brief-TSF can assist people cease alcohol consumption.
• Definition of Codependency

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Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his young grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.He said, "my son, the battle is between 2 wolves.

One Is evil... It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good......It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The young grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his Grandfather, "which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee replied simply......"the one you feed."

See also;

• 10 Secretes of Happy Relationships
• 23rd Psalm for Recovery
• Why the Higher Power Actually Works
• Brief-TSF can assist people cease alcohol consumption.
• Twelve Step Facilitation

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The Measure of a Man: A Spiritual Autobiography (Oprah’s Book Club)

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• Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email" target="_blank">Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email' target=_blank>Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by e-Mail

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Codependent Bill of Rights

In a codependent-alcoholic relationship, individual human rights are not respected, and this is the primary devastating factor to families dealing with alcoholism. This article outlines a code of basic human rights applicable to the non-alcoholic.

You and your children have:

• THE RIGHT TO a loving and secure relationship based on healthy mutual dependence;
• THE RIGHT TO peace and harmony in your home;
• THE RIGHT TO a stable, secure, and nurturing environment conducive to personal growth and self-discovery;
• THE RIGHT TO a healthy self-concept, knowing you are worthy, valued, and loved;
• THE RIGHT TO human dignity; to be respected and treated as an individual human being, and not be put down, demoralized, and dehumanised;
• THE RIGHT TO not live a life of “always waiting for the other shoe to drop,” never knowing whether it will be a soft slipper or steel-toed work boot;
• THE RIGHT TO a life free of the fear of emotional terrorism, physical abuse, and constant arguing;
• THE RIGHT TO a life free of nightmares, day terrors, and insecurity;
• THE RIGHT TO a life free of guilt and shame, and freedom from manipulation through guilt and shame;
• THE RIGHT TO not be emotionally drained and “all used up” from the rigor's of a codependent-alcoholic relationship;
• THE RIGHT TO use any possible means (short of physical assault) to positively change your own circumstances;
• THE RIGHT TO leave a physically abusive alcoholic relationship immediately and without advance notice to the alcoholic;
• THE RIGHT TO leave any relationship that is not healthy and not actively improving;
• THE RIGHT TO not live life on a roller coaster, going from one alcoholic crisis to another;
• THE RIGHT TO go to work or school without dragging all the baggage of codependent-alcoholic dysfunction.

See also;

• 10 Secretes of Happy Relationships
• 24 Ways to get the Rest You Need
• Al-Anon May be able to help
• Alcoholic Family Roles
• Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email" target="_blank">Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email' target=_blank>Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by e-Mail

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Spiritual Connections: How to Find Spirituality Throughout All the Relationships in Your Life

Injured Fantasies

Many people have dysfunctional beliefs.

Not all of these are in one person but if there is a great many then that person may be dysfunctional. Alcoholics, addicts, codependents and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s) may identify.

Some of these dysfunctional beliefs are;

• That I can control my emotions.

• That I can control someone else’s emotions or actions or thoughts.

• That I deserve:

• . . .to get something good.

• . . .to get something bad.

• . . .to be punished for mistakes.

• . . .to be rewarded for perfection.

• . . .to be rewarded for good behaviour, intentions, thoughts, feelings, whatever.

• That I can "make" sense out of anything.

• That I am responsible for

• . . .for achieving other peoples success.

• . . .for other people’s feelings, thoughts or actions.

• That I am not responsible for my own actions; that it is all someone else’s fault.

• That my feelings have to be acted on. (e.g., when I’m afraid, I should attack or flee.)

• That I can solve other people’s problems; or that they can solve mine.

• That wishing or wanting equals doing.

• That I am capable of a "perfect action."

• That if I do something somebody doesn’t like, even if that person is totally unreasonable, I am bad.

• That if only I had the right tools, I could do it right.

• That if I do nothing about it; if I can erase myself or disappear; the problem will go away.

• That I have to be careful not to make other people angry.

• That lying changes reality.

• That other people’s expectations of me have to be lived up to.

• That if only I do the right thing, everything will turn out okay.

• That if only I think the right thoughts, everything will turn out okay.

• That if only I feel the right feelings, everything will turn out okay.

• That those who hurt me deserve to be punished for their "sins," and if God doesn’t punish them, I should.

• That I can punish someone by hurting myself.

• That if I am "weak" (vulnerable, helpless, needing assistance), then I am just like my dad/mom who I had to care for as a child.

• That if I sit and do nothing in my chair, I am useless.

• That I am "wrong," "imperfect," or "not the way I’m supposed to be."

• That my guilt is the right way of defining myself.

• That my charm is the right way of defining myself for other people.

• That I can not talk and still get better.

• That. . . . . . . . .

See also;

• 10 Secretes of Happy Relationships
• 24 Ways to get the Rest You Need
• Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email" target="_blank">Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email' target=_blank>Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by e-Mail

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Suspicion is Dark

Suspicion is like a pair of sunglasses - it makes all the world look dark.

Comments and silent responses overheard at an Al-anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting.

• "Deb, let's have lunch tomorrow." - Why would she want to have lunch with me?
• "Pam, I tried to phone you today." - No you didn't, I was home almost all day.
• "Larry, you sure are a kick!" - What did he mean by that?

When we suspect the motives of others, who have done nothing other than to make a friendly comment, we would do well to suspect that we are the one with the problem. When we recognize it's our insecurity at play here, we can begin to override the negative self-talk with positive talk.

At first we may have to force ourselves to reply, "Yes, I'd love to have lunch," or "Thank you," to a compliment. As our self-esteem grows it will become natural and genuine to assume people mean what they say.

I will try not to read negatives into comments by others.

"If you don't love yourself, nobody else will. Not only that - you won't be good at loving anyone else. Loving starts with the self."

See also;

• What About This Spiritual Awakening Thing?
• Things We Can Learn from a Dog
• Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email" target="_blank">Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by Email' target=_blank>Subscribe to Alcoholism, ACOA & Codependency by e-Mail

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Amazon.com: Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics: Books: Herbert L. Gravitz,Julie D. Bowden ISBN: 0671645285 ISBN-13: 9780671645281

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