What’s Your Greatest Asset? Strengths of an ACoA
Amy Eden writes about the assets of ACOA’s.
“I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel exasperated with the emphasis on problems tied to being the offspring of alcoholics.
Today I need to hear the B side of the record, to think about our other characteristics.”
Here are her first five assets of ACOA’s.
Full post at Guess What Normal Is.
See also;Similarly, family and friends have a tendency to minimize how seriously the drinker’s behavior has affected them.
These questions can help you consider whether you could find support and understanding in an Al‑Anon Family Group.
1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else’s drinking?
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else’s drinking?
4. Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
5. Are plans frequently upset or cancelled because of the drinker?
6. Do you make threats, such as, “If you don’t stop drinking, I’ll leave you”?
7. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
8. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker’s behavior?
9. Do you search for hidden alcohol?
10. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
11. Do you feel like a failure because you can’t control the drinking?
12. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
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XA – Speaker Tape Category
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AA Primary Purpose Speaker Tapes
All AA speaker tapes are now in MP3 format. Thy can be played with Windows Media Player, I-Tunes, or the software of your choice.
Includes AA Cofounders and other AA Pioneers
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Miami Valley AA Al-anon Winter Conferences 1999 through 2006
http://www.winterconference.com/Listen.html
It is a method to begin to create awareness of alcoholism, break down denial and connect alcoholics or problem drinkers with Alcoholics Anonymous.
By using the processes in this manual you can start and give ongoing support to a person on the road to recovery from alcoholism. It is suitable for treatment resistant, previously treated and newcomers to treatment. The processes are gentle incorporating Motivational Interviewing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Twelve Step Facilitation.
It may also be complimentary to any 12 Step peer helping.
My best friend was going through some tough situations in her life. I was in the midst of a hard stretch too. We didn't particularly like the things we had to do in our lives. We talked about our feelings and decided that what we were going through was necessary and important, even though we didn't like it. We expressed gratitude for our lives.
"It's still a dreadful time," I said.
"Brutal," she said. "I guess we're back to the old one-day-at-a-time approach. We're so lucky. What do people do that haven't learned that gem?"
There are times when we can look at the stretch ahead and like what we see. Taking life one day at a time is still a good idea, even when things are going well.
Taking life one day at a time can be particularly useful when the road ahead looks dreadful. We may not even know where to start with some challenges. That's when taking life one day at a time is essential.
"I've been using alcohol and other drugs every day since I've been twelve years old," I said to my counselor years ago in treatment. "Now you're telling me I need to stay sober the rest of my life. Plus get a job. And a life. How am I going to do that?"
"One day at a time," she said. She was right. Sometimes I had to take life one minute at a time or one hour at a time. And all these years later, it still works.
You are reading from the book:
| 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melodie Beattie |
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An official Al-anon MP3 website
Image via Wikipedia
One important part of our life is our sexuality. Our feelings and beliefs about our sexuality, our ability to nurture, cherish, and enjoy our sexuality, our ability to respect ourselves sexually, our ability to let go of sexual shame and confusion, may all be impaired or confused by our co-dependency.
Our sexual energy may be blocked. Or for some of us, sex may be the only way we learned to connect with people. Our sexuality may not be connected to the rest of us; sex may not be connected to love - for others or ourselves.
Some of us were sexually abused as children. Some of us may have gotten involved in sexuality addictive behaviors - compulsive sexual behaviors that got out of control and produced shame.
Some of us may have gotten involved in sexual co-dependency: not paying attention to what we wanted, or didn't want, sexually; allowing ourselves to get involved sexually because it was what the other person wanted; shutting off our sexuality along with our other feelings; denying ourselves healthy enjoyment of ourselves as sexual beings.
Our sexuality is a part of ourselves that deserves healing attention and energy. It is a part of us that we can allow to become connected to the whole of us; it is a part of us that we can stop being ashamed of.
It is okay and healthy to allow our sexual energy to open up and become healed. It is connected to our creativity and to our heart. We do not have to allow our sexual energy to control our relationships or us. We can establish and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries around our sexuality. We can discover what that means in our life.
We can enjoy the gift of being human beings who have been given the gift of sexual energy, without abusing or discounting that gift.
Today, I will begin to integrate my sexuality into the rest of my personality. God, help me let go of my fears and shame around my sexuality. Show me the issues I need to face concerning my sexuality. Help me open myself to healing in that area of my life.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990
Buy today >> The Language of Letting Go
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For those who don't know or have never heard of Al-anon, it is a 12-step recovery program that is the counter-part to the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step recovery program. It was initiated by Lois Wilson (the wife of Bill Wilson; one of the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous) as a safe haven and support group for anyone who is dealing with a loved ones alcoholism (and/or drug addiction)
I have been attending Al-anon meetings for 20 years and came away from my first meeting thinking..."What a bunch of losers, as well as... I heard some interesting things here."
As a professional family substance abuse counselor, I encourage my clients to attend Al-anon and find out if it is something they wish to incorporate in their recovery. Some swear by it, others are shunned.
I have compiled a list of 16 opinions; 8 hip-hip hooray! 8 bah humbug!
See these at; The Huffington Post
Also see; Thank you and I invite you to visit my website at www.familyrecoverysolutions.com
Many articles have proved very popular over the last few years. These are the most popular.
Today I will say no without guilt.
Today I will say no whenever it is in my best interests to do so. Just as important, I will say no without feeling guilty or fearful.
My attempts to separate from my parents we met with threats of abandonment. As a result, I learned to avoid having my own opinion for fear of rejection.
Deep within me now, I feel a strong desire to become my own person, to stand free of all unhealthy attachments and discover who I am. When I disregard my limitations and permit others to violate my boundaries, I harm myself.
Today I will love myself enough to say no when I find it necessary. I will reassure the child within me that those who truly love me will not abandon me when I must tell them no. No matter what the response, today I will treat myself well by saying no without guilt and fear.
- From “Affirmations for the Inner Child” by Rokelle Lerner
Documentary gives children of addicts a voice
Children in homes in which parents use illegal drugs live in the shadows. They often are abused, neglected or become users themselves. A documentary by local filmmaker Susan Reetz is bringing their lives into the light.
Reetz released "Living in Shadows: The Innocent Victims of Meth" in September, hoping to raise awareness of the issues children face living in a home where illegal drugs are used. That life was brought into focus last week when three children were removed from a home in Schofield where drugs reportedly were present.
Reetz interviewed children, parents and grandparents who have been affected by drug use. They talk about emotional and physical neglect, sexual abuse, violence and living with drugs.
"A lot of people don't realize what kids go through when their parents are using, making and selling meth," Reetz said. "It's so prevalent in our community, and we want to sweep it under the rug. The only way we can make a difference is if our community is better informed."
Full story at The Daily Herald
See also;
I can never drink again. I am an alcoholic. Alcohol temporarily fills a hole inside me when I am feeling incomplete or unhappy. I have been sober for a few months, but could very easily get lost into it again if I were to re-indulge in that escape. Alcohol doesn’t fix my problems, but just temporarily numbs my conscious mind of acknowledging them. They will stay there. A fifth of vodka will only offer temporary relief.
Full story at Daily Nexus
See also;
Within Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous Gamblers Anonymous, Al-anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics there are 2 basic types of meetings for fellowship and recovery.
The two most common kinds of 12-Step meetings are:
OPEN MEETINGS: As the term suggests, meetings of this type are open to members and their families and to anyone interested in solving a personal problem or helping someone else to solve such a problem.
Most open meetings follow a more or less set pattern, although distinctive variations have developed in some areas. A chairperson describes the program briefly for the benefit of newcomers in the audience and calls speakers who relate their personal histories and may give their personal interpretation of the program
At the end of the meeting there is usually a period for local announcements, and a treasurer passes the hat to defray costs of the meeting hall, literature, and incidental expenses. Only members are allowed to make donations. The meeting adjourns, usually followed by informal chatting over coffee or other light refreshments.
CLOSED MEETINGS: These meetings are limited to members. They provide an opportunity for members to share with one another on problems related to their problems, patterns and attempts to achieve stable sobriety. They also permit detailed discussion of various elements in the recovery program.
Guests at open meetings are reminded that any opinions or interpretations they may hear are solely those of the speaker involved. All members are free to interpret the recovery program in their own terms, but none can speak for the local group or for that fellowship as a whole.
 | 12 Steps: A Spiritual Journey (Tools for Recovery) by Friends in Recovery Read more about this title... |
A family with an alcohol in its midst will go through several stages in dealing with the chaos and disruption caused by the alcoholic. These stages are described below in order of appearance.
Denial: Early in the development of alcoholism, occasional episodes of excessive drinking are explained away by both marriage partners. Drinking because of tiredness, worry, or a bad day is not unbelievable. The assumption is that the episode is isolated and is, therefore, not a problem.
Attempts to Eliminate the Problem:The non-alcoholic spouse realizes that the drinking is not normal and tries to pressure the alcoholic to quit, be more careful, or cut down. At the same time, the spouse tries to hide the problems from the outside and keep up a good.front. Children may start to have problems in response to the family stress.
Disorganization and Chaos: The family balance is beginning to break down. The spouse can no longer pretend everything is okay and spends most of the time going from crisis to crisis. Financial problems are not unusual. At this point the spouse is likely to seek outside help.
Reorganization in Spite of the Problem: The spouse’s coping abilities have become strengthened. He or she gradually assumes a larger share of the responsibility for the family. This may mean getting a job or taking over the finances. Rather than focusing on getting the alcoholic to shape up, the spouse is now taking charge and tries to foster family life, despite the alcoholism.
Efforts to Escape: Separation or divorce may be attempted. If the family remains intact, the family continues living around the alcoholic.
Family Reorganization: In the case of separation, family reorganization occurs without the alcoholic member. If the alcoholic achieves sobriety, a reconciliation may take place. Either way, both partners must realign their roles within the family and make new adjustments.
Recovery; Can occur at any stage provided there is compassion, empathy and understanding by key family members.
BriefTSF can help the understanding and set up the right conditions for recovery to begin.
See also;
Twelve Step fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Al-anon, Cocaine Anonymous and others don’t just address the substance or overt behaviour. In progressing through the 12 Steps other benefits will be realized. These are know as the rewards of recovery. One example is;
THE TWELVE REWARDS OF SOBRIETY
By Searcy W., 55 years sober as at 2001 aged 90.
Faith instead of despair.
Courage instead of fear.
Hope instead of desperation.
Peace of mind instead of confusion.
Real friendships instead of loneliness.
Self-respect instead of self-contempt.
Self-confidence instead of helplessness.
A clean conscious instead of a sense of guilt.
The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.
A clean pattern of living instead of a hopeless existence.
The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.
The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession.
See also;
For most people in today’s world, stress is a fact of life.
In recovery it is especially true. Although it is impossible to eliminate all stress from daily life, it is possible to control the effect that stress has on the body and the mind. The first step in managing stress is to become aware of events in your life that cause you stress.
The causes of stress vary from person to person, so that what causes you stress may not cause stress for another person. Once you are aware of what causes you stress, the goal is to find ways to avoid or control these things.
Relaxation techniques, when used consistently, can prove effective in controlling stress by helping you reach a state of mental calm, even when in the middle of a stressful situation.
Here are twenty plus 1 things you can do to reduce or escape the stress you feel when you are unable to change a situation or to better cope with the stress of everyday living.
Twenty plus 1 Healthy Ways To Manage Stress In Recovery
Talk to someone you trust.
Learn to accept what you cannot change.
Avoid self medication.
Get enough sleep to recharge your batteries.
Take time out to play.
Do something for others.
Take one thing at a time.
Agree with somebody.
Manage your time better.
Plan ahead.
If you are ill, don’t try and carry on as if you’re not.
Develop a hobby.
Listen to music.
Eat sensibly and exercise.
Don’t put off relaxing.
Don’t be afraid to say no.
Know when you are tired and do something about it.
Delegate responsibility.
Be realistic about perfection
Don’t drink or drug.
See also;
One evening an old Cherokee told his young grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.He said, "my son, the battle is between 2 wolves.
One Is evil... It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good......It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The young grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his Grandfather, "which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee replied simply......"the one you feed."
See also;
The Measure of a Man: A Spiritual Autobiography (Oprah’s Book Club)
 | Cool Water: Alcoholism, Mindfulness, and Ordinary Recovery by William Alexander Read more about this title... |
 | The Recovery Book by Arlene Eisenberg, Howard Eisenberg, Al J. Mooney Read more about this title... |
In a codependent-alcoholic relationship, individual human rights are not respected, and this is the primary devastating factor to families dealing with alcoholism. This article outlines a code of basic human rights applicable to the non-alcoholic.
You and your children have:
See also;
Spiritual Connections: How to Find Spirituality Throughout All the Relationships in Your Life
Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
Do you have money problems because of someone else’s drinking?
Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else’s drinking?
Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you?
Do you blame the drinker’s behavior on his or her companions?
Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker?
Do you make threats, such as, "If you don’t stop drinking, I’ll leave you"?
Do you secretly try to smell the drinker’s breath?
Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker’s behavior?
Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
Do you search for hidden alcohol?
Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker?
Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time?
Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
If you have answered ’yes’ to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help. You can contact Al-Anon or Alateen by looking in your local telephone directory or by searching the web for Al-Anon Family Groups.
See also;
Affirmations for the Inner Child
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Alcohol & Other Drug Recovery