Saturday, May 24, 2008

Injured Fantasies

Many people have dysfunctional beliefs.

Not all of these are in one person but if there is a great many then that person may be dysfunctional. Alcoholics, addicts, codependents and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s) may identify.

Some of these dysfunctional beliefs are;

  • That I can control my emotions.

  • That I can control someone else’s emotions or actions or thoughts.

  • That I deserve:

  • . . .to get something good.

  • . . .to get something bad.

  • . . .to be punished for mistakes.

  • . . .to be rewarded for perfection.

  • . . .to be rewarded for good behaviour, intentions, thoughts, feelings, whatever.

  • That I can "make" sense out of anything.

  • That I am responsible for

  • . . .for achieving other peoples success.

  • . . .for other people’s feelings, thoughts or actions.

  • That I am not responsible for my own actions; that it is all someone else’s fault.

  • That my feelings have to be acted on. (e.g., when I’m afraid, I should attack or flee.)

  • That I can solve other people’s problems; or that they can solve mine.

  • That wishing or wanting equals doing.

  • That I am capable of a "perfect action."

  • That if I do something somebody doesn’t like, even if that person is totally unreasonable, I am bad.

  • That if only I had the right tools, I could do it right.

  • That if I do nothing about it; if I can erase myself or disappear; the problem will go away.

  • That I have to be careful not to make other people angry.

  • That lying changes reality.

  • That other people’s expectations of me have to be lived up to.

  • That if only I do the right thing, everything will turn out okay.

  • That if only I think the right thoughts, everything will turn out okay.

  • That if only I feel the right feelings, everything will turn out okay.

  • That those who hurt me deserve to be punished for their "sins," and if God doesn’t punish them, I should.

  • That I can punish someone by hurting myself.

  • That if I am "weak" (vulnerable, helpless, needing assistance), then I am just like my dad/mom who I had to care for as a child.

  • That if I sit and do nothing in my chair, I am useless.

  • That I am "wrong," "imperfect," or "not the way I’m supposed to be."

  • That my guilt is the right way of defining myself.

  • That my charm is the right way of defining myself for other people.

  • That I can not talk and still get better.

  • That. . . . . . . . .

See also;

Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

No comments: